Breathe Until Your Lungs Ache

An ache. It can be a bleeding,oozing wound. Sore muscles. Too much concentration that causes a jumbled head. Or it can be what I feel on a very regular basis these days.
Like my whole world keeps on spinning, but I do not belong in it; I cannot be a part of it.
As if everything and everyone I know and love is changing as I am asked daily to give it all up. Everything. And I see what can come of this surrender. I long for it with every fiber of my being. God is pouring out his tranforming rain on my soul; shifting the soul and sending up young green sprouts that reach for the sky.

There is so much suffering in this world, God.

In this dry and weary land you alone are our living stream. I imagined tonight's dark fragrant rain as you tears. You pour them out over the children who are going to sleep hungry, over the beautiful young women who are sold each night, for your precious bride the church that is so far removed from your kingdom that we do not even recognize it when we see it. Your tears are different, God. Unlike those of futility, they are a healing stream of hope. Botanical gardens grow where all has been cracked and barren. You alone bring beauty from pain.

When we begin to catch a glimpse of your heart, when we welcome the rain and let it pour down on us instead of hiding away under a blinding cover, you will begin to erode away the things in our lives that keep us from action and you will saturate us will glimpses of yourself and your kingdom and show us what could be.

And so I pry back each white-knuckled finger. I release this death grip on "my" life.
It hurts. Tears burn behind my eyes and my heart revolts. And yet, I feel a wash of peace each time I release another finger. This is an ache.

Consuming fire, melt my heart
Like flames devour the brush
Let me also die
What is charred beyond recogntion
Will return one-hundred fold
Renewed and restored
Let this burning ache never dim with tears
For sympathy comforts itself
Spirit, incite action
We are dying unawares
Fall upon with you fire
As you engulf us in your grace