One Child...

During the time I lived in Africa, I spent a lot of time at an orphanage in the city of Choma.

Every free day I could find, I would walk or hitch a ride and go to spend the day with my kids. I loved each of those beautiful little faces. Running up to me with bare feet, dusty legs,oftentimes wet pants, and ill-fitting clothing screaming, "Auntie Alissa! Auntie Alissa!" It was where I fell in love.

                                                                   With this little boy.
                                              The light of my life during my time in Zambia.

His name is Anton. And he was almost one. He rarely smiled. How I loved his smiles. He never competed for my attention, but he was always near me. There were many other children. I loved them all as well, but this little boy captured my heart.

                He was beginning to walk. Only when holding onto furniture, the wall, or my hands.

As the days and weeks went on, I could not stand the thought of leaving him.

The older children would hand him to me saying, "Auntie Alissa, put this baby in your bag and take him to America. You will be his mommy. "

They had no idea how much my heart ached to do just that.

I loved when he sat on my lap at church. When he let me change his diaper, wash his face, feed him nshima, rock him in my arms before laying him down to his nap.

That is what I did the last day I was with him.

I rocked him in my arms, the two of us alone in the crib room. I prayed over him and laid him down.

He didn't cry. He learned long ago that his cries would not be answered in the orphanage.

And he was only one year.

Later, I snuck back in and snapped this last picture.

I ached so deeply as I turned and left the room.

And something in me changed forever.

I am still trying to figure out what that is.

Sometimes late at night, my arms ache to hold him.

I don't know if that will ever go away.

Anton baby, I hope you have celebrated your second year. I hope you are healthy. I hope you are hugged and loved by someone who is there as I was. Jesus loves you, baby boy. And I do too. I wish I could come to you. I wish your government would allow me to come and bring you home with me.

But, I love you.

All the way over here in the States. I could never forget you!

You changed me.

Your little one year old life.

Twalumba, Anton.

Mutalili.